Feelings of...

Here are Malachi's new glasses! Malachi is looking more and more like my Dad!

Onto the post...

We have a sign above our bedroom door that states, "If your Bible is falling apart chances are your life is staying together." I believe wholeheartedly in that statement. I see it everyday I walk in and out of our bedroom. I see it when I am running into the bathroom to rinse out yet another container Malachi has puked in throughout the day. I see it when I get home from a day of running around to doctor appointments, and times out with family. It is a constant reminder, of how I fail sometimes daily to live out that statement... to be in the Word daily.

Times when I struggle and question things, is when I am not "wearing out my Bible." I was so humbled by a couple who came and spoke at our church over Memorial Day weekend, the Armstrong family. I was encouraged as well, by their focus and devotion to the Lord. I will never forget the words echoed by Mrs. Armstrong when they found out that her husband had cancer. She said, "Okay Lord please let me learn everything You want to teach me through this the first time, so we won't have to go through this again." She went on to say that she didn't want to "waste her suffering." I have heard that statement and even prayed that in my own life. What amazing truths!!! I cried the whole time, feeling hopeless in my own "wasted time" for the most part with Malachi's journey. So many times I have gotten so angry with what was happening, instead of learning what the Lord was trying to teach us. I think the worst thing of all is getting complacent, not really "feeling" anything, just kind of going through the motions, and not seeking out what the Lord had for us.

What a hard thing it is to be the forefront of suffering. Many days I feel as a failure and simply hopeless. Obviously those feelings are not from the Lord, but I do know He desires more for us and more from us. So I guess I am writing to seek a renewed sense of what the Lord has. I want a fire in my heart to get me motivated and moving towards all that the Lord is doing in our lives. He deserves all of me, not just parts. He deserves every bit that I am, so that He can use me. I must start by "wearing out my Bible." There is no way that anyone could know or understand what the Lord is teaching them, if they aren't talking to Him and hearing back from Him.

I have no clue if this post even makes sense, but I felt that I needed to write a good honest post. Thanks for those of you who read these. I appreciate you allowing me to be real.

Love,
April
2 Timothy 2:13