I have been thinking a lot lately about all that we are about to face in the next couple of months. I have to admit I am terrified! In the Bible Study I am doing, "Restore My Heart," there was a quote this week that hit to the core; "To 'lose' your life for Jesus may mean to physically lay down your life for His Kingdom. It may mean that you will be called upon to give up something precious to you..." That quote got to me... I fear that things are going to go badly with Malachi's surgery, and I am afraid that he is going to die...
I know that the Lord has the best possible plan for him, and that He loves him more than I ever could, but sometimes that is so hard to accept. I want my son here with me! I want him to be with me always! I want everything to be a success with his surgery! So I am praying that I will be willing to accept whatever it is the Lord has for Malachi.
I was exhorted by a verse I read in Revelation 2:10, "Do not fear what you are about to suffer..." It goes on to promise that those who overcome will receive the Crown of Life. Honestly, I don't want a Crown of Life, if it means my son has to suffer. I wish I could take on all of his hurt, all of his pain, all of his illness, so he wouldn't have to deal with all of it! It is so much harder to accept the pain of watching your child go through the suffering. The only "hero" the only "faithful one" the only "one to persevere" in all of this is Malachi. He is a true testimony of what it means to stand in the midst of the pain and suffering.
I took a picture the other day of his chest. I was thinking about all the scars his body has, and how many more he will have... Then I thought of my Savior and the fact that His scars will remain when we are all in Heaven with Him... while Malachi's will be gone. Malachi will have a perfect heart, a perfect body, and a perfect life, and my Savior will bear the reminders of all He went through to allow me to have hope that no matter what happens to Malachi, I will see him again. I am also encouraged that this wasn't the way it was supposed to be! Father God had a perfect life planned for us, and sin entered it and tainted it all... death, suffering, sickness, all of it entered the world because of it! How thankful I am that He had a plan in place to counter all of that through the giving of His Son! So for that I am thankful and bow my knee... what a great Savior we serve...
So I guess I am asking for prayer for my weak time! I so covet the prayers! We are so blessed!!! I will take my eyes off of the pain and put them on the One who has overcome the grave! I am confident that He cares for me and I can throw all of my anxiety on HIM! (1 Peter 5:7) I will choose to trust and give Him the fear... and pray that I can see the "joy" in the trial (James 1:2).
Humbled,
April
Phil. 3:13b
3 comments:
We are praying for you. Trusting all will be well. I hope you really pursue the devotional; your writing speaks to the heart and opens the tear gates every time. love you - jan
We love you guys. Hannah and Ethan still pray for Malachi every day in school (and have been since the fall when we thought his surgery might happen). It's sweet to hear them pray for their cousin every day. Know that we're praying and that we love you all. If you need anything, let us know.
~Christy and crew
thanks for making me cry, I love you SO much and this little man. I am and have been praying for ALL of you. I am not looking forward to this upcoming journey,but I know WHO holds it. I love your honesty and that you are real about your suffering. Love you SO much sister and I am here for you. Give that little man a kiss for me. He is such a joy to this world and to me.
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