I love you Malachi...

I was realizing today that I have not written in quite some time, so I am going to attempt to share with you my thoughts today.

I cannot even begin to fathom the immense love that my Lord has for me, for my wife, and for my son. I find that each day that goes by, drawing us closer to when Malachi is born, brings me to a greater understanding of how great my God is and how small I truly am. I wish that I could say I don't understand what the Lord is doing, allowing my little son, my little Malachi, to have this defect, this imperfection... that he has to come into this world with a broken heart and go through surgery when he won't even know what's going on or why he has to be in pain. I wish that I could be oblivious to why innocent little babies have to develop abnormally and face a difficult life due to physical imperfections. I wish I could forget why we exist... why we are born into an imperfect world with all of it's sin and imperfections. I wish that I could live without feeling, without tears, without fear... But I can't! I cannot forget, be oblivious, lack understanding, feeling, tears, or fear... because I wake up each morning... lying in the most comfortable bed... with the sun shining on my face... my beautiful wife lying next to me... and my son kicking inside of her. I am blessed beyond anything I could ever possibly imagine. I know that my life is His... I know that I am here to Glorify my Lord... I know that whatever He allows in my life, it is for good... it is to draw me to Him... to refine me and shape me into a reflection of Him. I know that my little Malachi is "...Fearfully and Wonderfully made..." Because He made him and formed him in April's womb... The Lord formed Malachi's inward parts... and He formed him and has given him to April and I so that we together as a family may have the honor of glorifying our Lord and Savior through anything! I understand this... I am not oblivious to this... I cannot forget it... I cannot live without feeling the weight of becoming a father, and the responsibility that comes with it... I cannot go without shedding tears for the ones I love... and I do fear... I fear that everyday I am given to live, is another day to Praise the Lord. What an incredible honor and responsiblity. I am learning daily that I cannot be a nebbishy man... for if I am going to fulfill my purpose here on this earth... I must take whatever comes my way and turn it into an opportunity to Trust the Lord giving Him all the Glory and Praise. Granted, I fail daily at this, but because I do understand... I continue to take one step at a time.

I cannot possibly express just how much I am looking forward to holding Malachi in my arms, looking into his eyes and telling him over and over and over how immensly I love him... and how much greater the Lord loves him. I am so thankful that he is my son and I am his father and April is his mother and we are a family! God is so good.


"For Thou didst form my inward parts; Thou didst weave me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to Thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Thy works, And my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from Thee, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth. Thine eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Thy book they were all written, The days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was not one of them." Psalm 139:13-16